It's hot in Texas. My Dallas thermometer confirms that it's a humid 95 degrees today. Even for a Texan, this is miserable weeding-the-garden weather. I'm happy for an excuse to steal away from the garden, from the hot kitchen, and even from folding clothes just pulled from the dryer, to sit in the coolest corner of my room and write this blog.
I'm hoping my future blogs won't be so lengthy, but since we're just getting introduced, a few more paragraphs are necessary. We've probably never met, so let me introduce myself. The name's Ballmann, Karyn Ballmann. And if that German name rings a bell, it may be because you know my sister, Christie (AFLC Home Missions) or brother Nathan (AFLBS). Or perhaps one of my other siblings, Matthew, Rachael, Elisabeth or Sarah. You read correctly--that's 6 siblings. I'm second born of seven and absolutely love it! Despite the summers, I am truly proud to be a Texan. I recently relocated from West Texas (Lubbock) to Dallas where I work at Baylor Hospital in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as a Registered Nurse. In the NICU we take care of premature and sick newborns.
As a PK (pastor's kid), I was exposed to the gospel message from a young age. I was around six when the Word of God personally convicted my heart of sin and my depravity before God. It was then that I trusted in the blood of Christ to cleanse my sin and pay my debt. Ten years later, I came to a place of complete surrender before the Lord, allowing the blood of the Lamb to not only save, begin its sanctifying work. Sanctification is a process. I’m still in it. I wish I could say that from age 16, when I placed my life on the altar before Christ, that I left it there for good. But I do, from time to time, jump down. The Lord’s everlasting love for this Bride of His never allows me to stay away. He beckons me back until I am once again fully surrendered in His arms.
Take a quick rabbit trail with me. I want to lay a foundation for my future blogs, so you’ll know where I’m coming from.
What do you think went through Isaac's mind when his father, Abraham, placed him on the altar in Genesis 22? The story seems to portray a child-like faith, a trust in his father and a willingness to submit. And when his father took a rope and bound his hands and legs? What then? It appears Isaac remained submissive. And when Abraham placed him upon the pile of sticks and wood... what then? What must Isaac have been thinking? Even staring up at the knife, ready to pierce his body, it doesn't appear that Isaac fought, but rather yielded to his Father's will. Certainly it wasn't the circumstance he would've chosen for himself. Certainly the altar and ropes were uncomfortable. Certainly staring up at a knife, expecting imminent death, conjured up many emotions we can probably identify with, although through different circumstances.
But we know the end. We know an angel tells Abraham to not sacrifice his son--and in Isaac's place a ram is miraculously provided. We see a beautiful picture of redemption played out. We know that all along God was in control and had a very specific plan—a plan working for Abraham (and Isaac's) good and for His own glory.
Naomi asked me to share with you where the Lord currently has me. Honestly, I feel like I am right there with Isaac--laying on poky sticks, the Texas sun burning my face, my hands and legs tied... at times it seems I can almost see the knife above my head. In a very real way, life around me is hard and painful. But what I desire, more than anything, is to submit—even through tears of hurt, or grief, or pain (or whatever other emotion may wash over me)—to submit and trust Him. Knowing that God is good and God is sovereign... and is working this together for my good and His glory.
Do you, like me, find yourself in the painful, but beautiful process of sanctification? Do you trust Him? Are you pressing close into your Saviors bosom to meet every need—physical, spiritual, emotional? In my future Saturday blogs, I'm sure we'll be walking together through some of the specific life lessons the Lord is walking through with me.
In closing, let me share with you who exactly Christ is to me. Christ is my joy—because He died in my stead, the unbearable weight of my sin has lifted. Christ is my strength—because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Christ is my peace—His glorification (making His name famous), in all things, makes life, and all it’s trials, ‘worth’ living. Christ is my hope—my greatest longing is to spend eternity with my bridegroom, worshiping before His throne. If I had to choose a verse I want my life to exemplify, it would be Psalm 27:4, "One thing have I asked of the Lord,that will I seek after:that I may dwell in the house of the Lordall the days of my life,to gaze upon the beauty of the Lordand to inquire in his temple."
-Karyn Ballmann
Dallas, Texas
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
give me Your eyes
I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes just moving past me by
I swear i never thought that i was wrongWell i want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all aloneGive me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so i can see
Everything that i keep missing
Give me your love for humanityGive me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so i can see
This song has been my prayer for a long time, but the importance of being intentional in this prayer hit me really hard today.
We have had several new kids come to our Kids Club this year, but lately, it seems like soon after a new kid comes, they don't show up, move, or are unable to come anymore. The discouragement keeps coming, and the wonder of how and why we are loosing numbers in the kids coming reveals more questions. But today, after finding out that several more kids will no longer be coming broke my heart. They were the sweetest kids, always listening and responding to God's Word - and I was rather attached to them.
Their departure without being able to say good-bye caused something in my heart to click - and my head. We never know what is going to happen each day. We can assume, but we don't know for sure - only God knows. That is why I need to live every moment as if it is the last - I need to love each person as if it's the last time I see them, I need to be Christ to others, because I may not have another chance.
Our lives impact others, whether it is positive or negative. I pray that God would give me His eyes, hands, heart, and arms, that when I encounter others, whether for one second or over ten years, they don't encounter me, but they encounter Jesus.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Nuts and Bolts
The past 17 days of my life have been memorable.
For some reason, I decided to tackle the highly-feared, often-cursed Comp. II at Northwestern College in a two-week long summer version of the course. My intent was to avoid a summer of drudgery and constant procrastination by getting the paper researched and written in two weeks. So, I said "Goodbye" to my social life, and headed for the library.
In the first five days of class, I found myself flipping through stacks of books, scrolling through articles on the internet, and scratching my head while trying to find rather specific research in the field of youth ministry. At the end of that first week, I had spent more hours in the library than in my first two years of college combined. After that was one more week of proof-reading, revising, re-writing, and more head scratching. Upon completion of the course, the last thing I imagined myself doing was reading another book.
The pages of this book are not filled with lyrics from Mullins' songs, but rather, the articles he wrote for a column in Reasons from 1991-1996. Merely mentioning the name Rich Mullins evokes fond memories for me.
Just months before he passed away on September 19, 1997, I had the opportunity to sit at his feet while he hammered away on the dulcimer. At the time, my elementary ears didn't realize the beauty that was being portrayed before me, but today, I am beginning to understand the significance of that moment.
While I haven't listened to Rich's music for almost a month, his writing has been stirred something inside me. Like a washing machine on spin cycle, my heart was caught in the momentum of Mullins' wordsmithery. It was in the first few pages of the book that Rich's smoothly shaped phrases slid right into a rough and ragged spot in my heart.
No more than two hours after reading this, my phone rang. On the other end was a good friend of mine calling to see what I was up to for lunch. While my molars made my cheeseburger mush, me and Mr. Erickson decided to get together. Minutes later, Jeremy showed up, we laughed a lot, and he became the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me.
Loosen the torque the nuts of legalism have on members of the family bound by the law and let the live in the freedom of God's grace.
For some reason, I decided to tackle the highly-feared, often-cursed Comp. II at Northwestern College in a two-week long summer version of the course. My intent was to avoid a summer of drudgery and constant procrastination by getting the paper researched and written in two weeks. So, I said "Goodbye" to my social life, and headed for the library.
In the first five days of class, I found myself flipping through stacks of books, scrolling through articles on the internet, and scratching my head while trying to find rather specific research in the field of youth ministry. At the end of that first week, I had spent more hours in the library than in my first two years of college combined. After that was one more week of proof-reading, revising, re-writing, and more head scratching. Upon completion of the course, the last thing I imagined myself doing was reading another book.
______________________________________________
Tuesday morning I sat in the warm Minnesota sun, frying my epidermis, and read a book: The World as I remember It: Through the Eyes of a Ragamuffin. This is a compilation of writings from one of the greatest song writers in the 20th century, Rich Mullins. In a few all-too-short hours, I read this short book cover-to-cover and saw the beauty that was created by one of God's chosen sons.The pages of this book are not filled with lyrics from Mullins' songs, but rather, the articles he wrote for a column in Reasons from 1991-1996. Merely mentioning the name Rich Mullins evokes fond memories for me.
Just months before he passed away on September 19, 1997, I had the opportunity to sit at his feet while he hammered away on the dulcimer. At the time, my elementary ears didn't realize the beauty that was being portrayed before me, but today, I am beginning to understand the significance of that moment.
While I haven't listened to Rich's music for almost a month, his writing has been stirred something inside me. Like a washing machine on spin cycle, my heart was caught in the momentum of Mullins' wordsmithery. It was in the first few pages of the book that Rich's smoothly shaped phrases slid right into a rough and ragged spot in my heart.
______________________________________________
"I am a Christian, not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me, but because there were people who were willing to be nuts and bolts, who through their explanation of it, held it together so that I could experience it and be compelled by it to obey."
______________________________________________
No more than two hours after reading this, my phone rang. On the other end was a good friend of mine calling to see what I was up to for lunch. While my molars made my cheeseburger mush, me and Mr. Erickson decided to get together. Minutes later, Jeremy showed up, we laughed a lot, and he became the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me.
______________________________________________
Wherever life has you today, ask God to open up doors for you to be the nuts and bolts for someone else. When you need to, explain clearly why you are loving unconditionally, kindly correcting, or providing for physical needs. Be the hands of Christ, working in the world.______________________________________________
Tighten the bolts of belief that are necessary to bring people back to Jesus.Loosen the torque the nuts of legalism have on members of the family bound by the law and let the live in the freedom of God's grace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)