Deep in the Heart of Texas

It's hot in Texas. My Dallas thermometer confirms that it's a humid 95 degrees today. Even for a Texan, this is miserable weeding-the-garden weather. I'm happy for an excuse to steal away from the garden, from the hot kitchen, and even from folding clothes just pulled from the dryer, to sit in the coolest corner of my room and write this blog.

I'm hoping my future blogs won't be so lengthy, but since we're just getting introduced, a few more paragraphs are necessary. We've probably never met, so let me introduce myself. The name's Ballmann, Karyn Ballmann. And if that German name rings a bell, it may be because you know my sister, Christie (AFLC Home Missions) or brother Nathan (AFLBS). Or perhaps one of my other siblings, Matthew, Rachael, Elisabeth or Sarah. You read correctly--that's 6 siblings. I'm second born of seven and absolutely love it! Despite the summers, I am truly proud to be a Texan. I recently relocated from West Texas (Lubbock) to Dallas where I work at Baylor Hospital in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as a Registered Nurse. In the NICU we take care of premature and sick newborns.

As a PK (pastor's kid), I was exposed to the gospel message from a young age. I was around six when the Word of God personally convicted my heart of sin and my depravity before God. It was then that I trusted in the blood of Christ to cleanse my sin and pay my debt. Ten years later, I came to a place of complete surrender before the Lord, allowing the blood of the Lamb to not only save, begin its sanctifying work. Sanctification is a process. I’m still in it. I wish I could say that from age 16, when I placed my life on the altar before Christ, that I left it there for good. But I do, from time to time, jump down. The Lord’s everlasting love for this Bride of His never allows me to stay away. He beckons me back until I am once again fully surrendered in His arms.

Take a quick rabbit trail with me. I want to lay a foundation for my future blogs, so you’ll know where I’m coming from.

What do you think went through Isaac's mind when his father, Abraham, placed him on the altar in Genesis 22? The story seems to portray a child-like faith, a trust in his father and a willingness to submit. And when his father took a rope and bound his hands and legs? What then? It appears Isaac remained submissive. And when Abraham placed him upon the pile of sticks and wood... what then? What must Isaac have been thinking? Even staring up at the knife, ready to pierce his body, it doesn't appear that Isaac fought, but rather yielded to his Father's will. Certainly it wasn't the circumstance he would've chosen for himself. Certainly the altar and ropes were uncomfortable. Certainly staring up at a knife, expecting imminent death, conjured up many emotions we can probably identify with, although through different circumstances.

But we know the end. We know an angel tells Abraham to not sacrifice his son--and in Isaac's place a ram is miraculously provided. We see a beautiful picture of redemption played out. We know that all along God was in control and had a very specific plan—a plan working for Abraham (and Isaac's) good and for His own glory.

Naomi asked me to share with you where the Lord currently has me. Honestly, I feel like I am right there with Isaac--laying on poky sticks, the Texas sun burning my face, my hands and legs tied... at times it seems I can almost see the knife above my head. In a very real way, life around me is hard and painful. But what I desire, more than anything, is to submit—even through tears of hurt, or grief, or pain (or whatever other emotion may wash over me)—to submit and trust Him. Knowing that God is good and God is sovereign... and is working this together for my good and His glory.

Do you, like me, find yourself in the painful, but beautiful process of sanctification? Do you trust Him? Are you pressing close into your Saviors bosom to meet every need—physical, spiritual, emotional? In my future Saturday blogs, I'm sure we'll be walking together through some of the specific life lessons the Lord is walking through with me.

In closing, let me share with you who exactly Christ is to me. Christ is my joy—because He died in my stead, the unbearable weight of my sin has lifted. Christ is my strength—because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Christ is my peace—His glorification (making His name famous), in all things, makes life, and all it’s trials, ‘worth’ living. Christ is my hope—my greatest longing is to spend eternity with my bridegroom, worshiping before His throne. If I had to choose a verse I want my life to exemplify, it would be Psalm 27:4, "One thing have I asked of the Lord,that will I seek after:that I may dwell in the house of the Lordall the days of my life,to gaze upon the beauty of the Lordand to inquire in his temple."

-Karyn Ballmann
Dallas, Texas