Battling the Fists

It's been a little over two weeks since Jordan and I were blessed with our little Ezekiel. In some ways, it seems like Zeke's been around for a lot longer than that - maybe because we had anticipated his coming for so long, calling him by name since January. In other ways, I can hardly believe how quickly the last two weeks have gone - and it makes me scared at how quickly the next few years will go. So far, I absolutely love being a mom. 

Zeke does three things really well: eating, sleeping, and pooping. It's been a shock learning how many diapers one little boy can go through in just one diaper change. (I think the record up to this point is 4.) It's fun to see Jordan cuddling with his son as they both nap on the couch. It's interesting to see how excited Ezekiel gets when it's time to eat -- so excited that he often thrusts his fists in his mouth and begins sucking on them. While nursing him, I've got to battle those little fists and fingers, reassuring Zeke that they won't get him any nourishment. They won't satisfy. They won't fill his belly. 

The other day, I thought of how often we do the very same thing. We fill our lives and hearts with things that aren't going to satisfy. We try and fill our souls with things that aren't going to bring the spiritual nourishment that we need. How different our action are compared to that of the psalmist:

"How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth! From Your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way." - Psalm 119:103-104 

"I opened my mouth wide and panted, for I longed for Your commandments." - Psalm 119:131 

"I rejoice at Your word, as one who finds great spoil." - Psalm 119:163

Do we open our mouths wide for the Word of God? When we arise in the mornings, do we need to hear from Him, like we need that bowl of cereal or banana? Are His words sweet to us, bringing joy and conviction and encouragement? Do we rejoice at the simple fact that we have the Word of God in our own language? That we can read it freely, without fear of death? 

May we all desire for the Lord to create that desire within us. May we crave the true nourishment that only He can give through His Word!

(PS: I'll try not to be one of those bloggers that only writes about her son from now on. He's just so cute and provides such great spiritual object lessons! So, please don't be annoyed yet.)

Forever Reign

This is a strange time in my life-- everything is constantly changing! People are moving away, friends are getting married, and some are even having babies! Being the youngest writer on this blog and probably of those who read this, I'm sure most of you are thinking, "It's okay Katelyn, just grow up!" And you've probably already learned all these lessons, but here's a reminder then:

God is still on His throne.

If you were to ask me the biggest thing I learned at Bible School for the past two years, that would probably be my answer. I was reminded time and time again in my Revelation class that He never leaves His throne, never loses control, and never allows things to happen without a purpose. I was struck by this as my teacher, Pastor Franz, would teach of the coming judgment and how terrible it will be, but would always finish by describing how God either put a time limit on the judgment or would protect His children by a sign or a seal.

The psalms are filled with songs of praise of God's reign as well. Just a few:

"For the LORD is a great God, and a great king above all gods. In His hands are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land." (Psalm 95:3-5)

"But You, O LORD, are enthroned forever; You are remembered throughout all generations." (Psalm 102:12) 

 What an awesome reminder that God is on His throne! He doesn't make mistakes. If you think of an earthly king reigning, they are in control of all and oversee everything. How much more does our Heavenly, Perfect King reign and rule all! His control is perfect. His faithfulness is perfect. What peace this brings my anxious heart! I pray it does the same for you--and that you never forget, God is still on His throne.

What's in a Name?

A week ago Saturday, our little Ezekiel was born. A week ago tonight, Jordan and I brought him home from the hospital. Let's just say that this last week has been exciting, adventurous, and wonderful.

Prior to Ezekiel's birth, there was a lot of discussion among our family and friends regarding what his name was going to be. It was kind of fun to see our families, our friends and our middle school students try to get us to spill the beans. They asked for clues - "Is it Old Testament or New Testament?" - and some of them even put in guesses for his name. You may be wondering, "Why Ezekiel?" To be honest, when Jordan first suggested the name Ezekiel for our little boy, I immediately thought "no!" But the name quickly grew on me - especially as I considered what the LORD said and did through the prophet Ezekiel.

Throughout the book of Ezekiel, the LORD pronounces judgment upon Israel and surrounding nations. Judgment isn't exactly sunshine and roses kind of stuff. But the LORD has purpose in sending those judgments - "That they may know that I am the LORD." I don't know how many times that phrase is found in the 48 chapters of Ezekiel, but when I read through the book a couple of months ago, I underlined every occurrence of that phrase. And there's sure a lot of underlining in those chapters. Time and time again, as the LORD tells of coming judgment, He promises His people that there is a purpose: so that others will know that He is the LORD. That there is no other.

So why Ezekiel for our little man? Because it is our hope and prayer that through his life, others will know that the LORD is God.

Whom Are You Seeking?

I cannot believe this day has come. I waited my whole life for these two years, and they're quickly coming to a close. My classes have finished, finals are over, and packing tubs are ready to be filled. I'm graduating in two days. I've been in denial about it for weeks, but the end is near.

I hate goodbyes.

As I was flipping through my Bible the other day, I found a verse that I had underlined in the Book of John. It says, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" (20:15).

Granted, I'm taking this verse out of context (which is VERY bad and I was taught at Bible School never to do such a thing!) but God used this verse to speak to me recently. With all the "last times" around here and sad faces as us seniors realize it really is over, it's easy to get teary eyed. But in the midst of all the sadness, I heard God asking, "Whom are you seeking Katelyn?"

Throughout Scripture, and especially in the minor prophets, time and time again the phrase, "Seek the LORD" is found. The people of Israel were called to "seek the LORD" and turn from all other distractions. There are different words used in Hebrew and Greek for the word "seek", so I decided to do a little search on what they each mean. However, I recognize not all are as fond of word studies as I am, so I won't share all of my findings :)

The one that surprised me the most was Amos 5:4, " For thus says the LORD to the house of Israel: “Seek me and live". The Hebrew word for "seek" here means "to resort to". Further looking into the meaning of "resort" it says, "the only option". That struck me as pretty cool!

We, like Israel, have the same call. God is calling us to seek Him--as our only option. We have so many things that take our attention, and not all of them are bad in of themselves. Think of family, friends, jobs, etc, that God delights in blessings us with. However, we are called to "seek the LORD." To keep our focus on Him. To have Him as the only option.

So in the midst of whatever situation you find yourself in at the moment, God is calling each of us to seek Him. To look to Jesus only. Whether times be good or bad, we are called to seek the Lord. Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."--God doesn't hide! Seek Him today, and He promises to reveal Himself to you.

Goodness & Mercy

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life... Psalm 23.6a

The worn rocking chair beckons me. My parent's wide front porch was designed for moments like this. I can't resist. I fill my favorite mug with hot coffee and, for moment, stop. I am able to discern at least four different bird calls. I hear the distinct tapping of a wood pecker... and spot him. The gentle breeze catches the flag, stars and strips spreading, my heart fills with American pride. Texas wildflowers are still in bloom--bold and unruly. I love Texas. Delicate butterflies, hundreds of them, dance about between the floral rainbows my sister planted. The flower beds have never been the same since she left home. Married, now with-child. I miss my sister. The low, drawn-out 'moo' from one of dad's cows steals my attention. I look that direction, across his orchard of pregnant fruit trees. Dad works so hard. The clean fence line. I can almost see my brothers working on it--brows beaded with sweat, red cheeks, and leather gloves. The smell of rosemary, lavendar, mint, and roses linger on my hands from a walk around the house, arm in arm, with Grandma. We stopped at every plant, touching, tasting, smelling. A simple 'outing'--a memory stamped on my heart forever. We comment on the flourishing garden, my mother and her faithfulness to dirt, weeds, cooking, canning... to her family. A tiny hummingbird whizzes past my head. Back in the rocking chair, my little sister sits beside me, composing a handwritten letter. Who does that anymore? My sister. My lovely little sisters who enjoy tea cups, crimping the edges of a homemade pie crust, and carrying their cat in a basket.

 

Life doesnt promise good things. Just last week I attended a double funeral--grandmother and grandchild. Life can be so painful. I know.

 

Oh, but in this moment, I am reminded that life is also so beautiful. God does give us good things to enjoy. To point to Himself. To remind us that He is here. He is present. Always. Even when suffering grips us. . . .all this beauty remains in the background. How often does my focus shift to the negative in life--forgetting that even in the midst of sorrow, God's goodness is present?

That God is present. And God is good, all the time.

God is good... all the time. Why? His promise of 'goodness and mercy' does not mean our life will be free of pain. Rather, it 'follows us daily' because His grace and mercy redeem us daily! What damnation I have been saved from! Oh that I would keep my eyes fixed on HIM, on the cross, that I might not forget the goodness that is always mine--eternal salvation.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.

Psalm 27.4

Left Behind

When I was in fifth grade at an away Basketball tournament, I was left behind. Between games my teammates and I explored the school we were at, wandering the halls and slipping outside to discover the playground. At some point after all of our games were over two of us were outside playing on the playground when we saw our bus begin to drive away from the school. Jumping down from playground equipment and running behind the bus waving our arms yelling for them to stop, we thought as the girls in the back of the bus saw us, they would tell our coaches and we would make it in the knick of time. However, to our dismay and surprise the bus continued down the road and we were left behind. 


While partial blame for leaving us behind falls to our coaches for not doing a head count and to the cruelty of middle school girls, we were left behind because we weren't where we were supposed to be and we were not prepared to leave.

Matthew 25:1-13 says 1 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of the virgins were foolish, and five were wise. 3 When the foolish ones took their lamps, they did not take extra olive oil with them. 4 But the wise ones took flasks of olive oil with their lamps. 5 When the bridegroom was delayed a long time, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. 6 But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Look, the bridegroom is here! Come out to meet him.’ 7 Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, because our lamps are going out.’ 9 ‘No,’ they replied. ‘There won’t be enough for you and for us. Go instead to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ 10 But while they had gone to buy it, the bridegroom arrived, and those who were ready went inside with him to the wedding banquet. Then the door was shut. 11 Later, the other virgins came too, saying, ‘Lord, lord! Let us in!’ 12 But he replied, ‘I tell you the truth, I do not know you!’ 13 Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour”

My memory of being left behind is clear and vivid in my mind, a memory I don't think I will ever forget.  Though a little embarrassing for us at the time and a few hours of waiting to be picked up, in the end there was no harm done. When it comes to eternity though there will be no parents to call and no one to come and pick us up. If we are left behind we will forever be lost.

^{Matthew 24: 36-44 says 36} “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³⁷ As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ³⁸ For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; ³⁹ and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ⁴⁰ Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left.⁴¹ Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. ⁴² “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. ⁴³ But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁴ So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Are you like the five wise virgins who were prepared? Like the men in the field and the women grinding will you be taken or left? 


We do not know when the Lord will come, but if we are prepared to go we will not be left behind.

His Arrival

Jordan and I are officially in the "final countdown": baby Langness can arrive at any time. To be honest, this reality doesn't exactly seem real. It's crazy, it's exciting, it's terrifying -- and it's still very surreal. Although my mind knows that at any moment the time for us to start making our way to the hospital could come, this moment still seems far away, like a distant possibility. Even so, and even though I'm filled with terror at the thought of such a little life being so completely dependent upon me, I am excited. I'm excited to meet this little guy who's been jumping on my bladder like it's a trampoline and kicking my ribs like they are soccer balls. I'm excited to see that hair that's given me heartburn for the first time in my life. I'm excited to learn alongside Jordan what it means to be a parent. And I know we're not the only one's who are excited.

We've got a couple of first-time grandma's (and grandpa's; they just hide their excitement a bit more) who can't wait for this little tyke to arrive, either. There are aunts and uncles who are anticipating the arrival of their nephew. Our church family is anxiously awaiting his birth as well. I think there could actually already be a waiting list to hold the baby at church; so many people have told us how excited they are, how they can't wait to hold baby Langness and cuddle him.

As I've thought about this excited anticipation regarding the arrival of our baby, I'm struck with thoughts of another arrival. An arrival that should fill each and every one of us with such excitement, such anticipation, that we cannot hold it in any longer. The arrival, the return arrival, of our Lord Jesus. Over the past couple of days, this song by Phil Wickham has been playing over and over in my mind:

"Here in the final hour, hope lifts the tired eyes. Here now, we are waiting for You to arrive . . . We are waiting, anticipating Your arrival . . . Voices raising, celebrating Your arrival. We'll keep the candle burning, we'll watch for every sign. Here now, we are waiting for You to arrive. Great things about to happen. Lord, let Your kingdom come and call us home to heaven, the city of our God. Haste the day!"

I have to ask myself: am I anticipating the return of Jesus as I am anticipating the arrival of our firstborn? Have I prepared for Jesus to return as I've prepared for this baby to arrive? Do I live each day with the reality that Jesus could return at any moment on the forefront of my mind? Or does that too seem to be a distant reality, one that I put on the back burner of my thoughts?

I hope and pray that the Lord would change my heart. I pray that He would make the truth of His return real to my heart and that He would fill me with an excited anticipation for His return. I pray that I would live each day in anticipation of His arrival.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His Word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning." - Psalm 130:5-6

page turning

It has been a long while since I last wrote, but that's not to say I haven't been writing.

Quite the opposite in fact.

Most of my penmanship has been personal. Black squiggles between light blue lines have filled the pages of a leatherback journal. My thoughts spill out like a crock-pot mishap at a potluck. A number of ideas are marked with an asterisk, but few have been shared with the world. The page is turned and I keep scratching away at my thoughts.

This is O.K.

More than that, this is what I've needed. I'm once again going through a time of life that would label me a "page turner."

No, I'm not absorbed in the craze of reading the Hunger Games books.
No, I'm not learning how to play an old Bob Seger song on guitar.
No, I'm not assembling complex machines requiring me to read direction.

Rather, I am coming to a crossroads in life. If my story is still being authored by the One who authors life (which it is) then it is time to turn the page.

It seems like the Author of this story took extra care, more time, and got a lot of feedback before finishing this chapter. Many people play important roles. Setting the scenes required beautiful, varied landscapes. But most importantly He has been, still is, and will continue being the ever-present, all-knowing, story-shaping Narrator turning the page.

Six days from now I will receive a college diploma.
Twenty-one days later I will receive a gift of grace; a wife.
Thirty days after that I will start a full-time job with Young Life in Kalispell, MT.

As this chapter is ending, the next one will begin at an incredible pace.

Not knowing the twists that will come in the plot can bring anxiety, but I know the Author understands why they must take place. Seeing foreshadowing events taking place in chapters previously read gives me vision for my future. The story that is being written is designed by and for the glory of God. His narrative in Scripture keeps me turning the pages. The pages I read help me understand the pages He is writing.

The page will turn. The story will go on. But, the best is yet to come.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Love/Hate Relationship!

I hate running.

I think I've told you this before, but I thought I would place a reminder out before I start this post.

When I was younger I pretended to train for cross-country. I only lasted a few months in the summer before I realized that running is not my thing. But the one thing that has stuck with me all these years is a line my coach would repeat, "As long as you have breath to breathe, you keep running."

That line has always rang in my ears, especially as of late when I've been trying to get in shape and go running every night. Mind you, I hate running. There's a beach close by to the Bible School that I run to with a friend, and the first few nights were terrible. I could get about a mile in and stop. Then I could go a little further, and stop. And so on. But that coach from over 7 years ago still says, "As long as you have breath to breathe, you keep running." I didn't like that. So finally I just pushed through it and made it the whole way! Okay, it's really not that excited to run 3 miles, but to me it was a huge feat the first time.

The Bible talks a lot about running as well. The most often quoted passage is 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we are imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified."


The path that I run is rather nice on the way there, starting with the long downhill driveway and then as it dips down to the lake. This is great! I feel wonderful running downhill! However, I feel less affectionate towards these hills as I'm tired and winded on the way back. I hate these hills.

This always reminds me of the Christian walk, signifying that there is constant movement (walk means movement!) And even when the path is going downhill, there is still movement required. But it's when the path goes up that things get tough. Which is like in life when things aren't as easy, when the Christian walk is not a walk in the park. And you know what, Jesus promised these times. "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33b)

When I run, I run towards the lights at the beach and then back to my glorious home at the Bible School. I have a destination. Paul says the same thing is with believers; we have a destination. We are not running aimlessly, we are not running because "it's fun", but we run with self-control and a purpose. We run to heaven!

One of my favorite passages is found in Philippians 3, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Keep pressing on. And as long as you have breath to breathe, you keep running. Run to Jesus.